June 24, 1999
I have added a link on my web page to all the letters I sent while Leif was in the hospital. Peruse them at your leisure:
I have visited Amy and Amanda several times over the last month, most recently last night attending a dance performance that Amanda was in. She loves to perform and did quite quite well!
Sunday last, one month after Leif's death, I arranged a lunch with Amanda, Amy, Dad and myself. It went pretty well, all things considered! :) The most memorable thing was that Amanda ordered spaghetti and a meatball (with sauce on the side - this little girl knows what she likes and how to get it). Dad was trying to get her to suck it rather than eat it. To slurp it up rather than chew. So he was motioning with his lips and mouth across the table and smiling at her. And she was smiling back and I was enjoying the whole scene, for sure. Amy was a little concerned with what kind of habit Dad was encouraging. :)
Amanda said to her Mom, "When Afi (Icelandic for grandfather) smiles he makes me think of Mickey Mouse". I suggested that she write this to him so he would know what she said. He cannot hear very well, especially in a noisy restaurant so writing to him is a way to include him in the conversation.
Amanda wrote it down on the placemat (in rather good cursive handwriting!) and passed it to him. Dad read:
Your smile makes me think of Mickey Mouse.and he asked Amy, "Is that good or bad?".
And we all had a great good laugh out of that one! :)
According to Linda, Amanda's grandmother, Father's Day was especially hard for Amanda. It emphasized her loss. She misses him deeply.
My own feelings since Leif's death have gone through many phases and aftermaths and will do so for a long time. An unknown sadness and numbness come to me and I don't quite know what to do with them. I continue to share my feelings with friends and relatives and try to be there for Amanda and Amy.
Dad is not doing very well these days. About a week and a half ago, he could not void his bladder due to an enlarged prostate and I took him to the hospital to be catheterized. Yesterday at an appointment he could not urinate with it out and so it will be left in a while longer. We were going to go out to dinner today but he was too tired and in some pain from the catheter. The Oakland A's had lost their game and he was falling asleep and was breathing with difficulty. His appetite is minimal.
Keep him in your prayers.
Yesterday he did eat an apricot with relish. It came from the tree in my backyard which is putting forth a true bumper crop which I am gladly sharing with everyone.
That's all for now,