Mr. Frisbie got $9 worth of Chinese Lanterns and strung them around. He wanted to do the Thing up Brown so as to get a Puff in the Weekly. The Paper came out and said that the Frisbie Front Yard with its Myriad Twinkling Lights was a Veritable Fairy-Land. That kind of Notice is worth $9 of anybody's Money.
Mr. Frisbie and three other Pillars of the Church devoted $7 worth of valuable Time to unloading Tables and Camp-Stools.
The Women Folks ruined $14 worth of Complexion working in the hot Kitchen to make Angel Food and Fig Cake.
On the Night of the Raspberry Orgy the Public Trampled down $45 worth of Shrubbery.
When it came time to check up the Linen and Silverware it was found that $17 worth of Spoons with Blue Thread tied around them had been lost in the Shuffle.
The Drip from the Candles ruined $29 worth of Summer Suits and Percale Shirt-Waists.
Four Children gorged themselves and each was tied in a True Lover's Knot with Cholera Morbus before another Sunrise. The Doctor Bills footed up $18.
After clearing the Wreck, paying the Drayman and settling for the Ice Cream and Berries, it was discovered that the Church was $6.80 to the Good. So everybody said it was a Grand Success.
Moral: Anything to avoid dropping it in the Basket.
The above is one of many "Fables in Slang"
written by George Ade, 1866-1944. It is from "The America of George Ade",
Capricorn Books, edited and with an introduction by Jean Shepherd.
"He later said he was just sitting unsuspectingly in front of a sheet of paper when the innocent idea came to him to write something in fable form using the language and cliches of the moment. In other words, slang. He said that in order to let people know that he knew better than to use slang in writing, he decided to capitalize all suspicious words and phrases. He was mortally afraid people would think he was illiterate."